so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
