I'll bet she douches with gravy.
In America we eat man semen.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
