We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
