we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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