she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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