the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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