so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize