I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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