My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
