we have officially lost it.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
