Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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