I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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