haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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