OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
