I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
