the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
