He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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