Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's great music for shaving your balls
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
