I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
