Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
