You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
