In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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