he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize