I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
