fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
