Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
