she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
