toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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