It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just puked most of my soul out..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
