I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
