dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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