I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize