so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He has the fingertips of a God
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
