So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
