I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
