So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize