I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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