my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize