im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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