i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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