just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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