if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
