What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
