I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
