I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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