just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
