Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
