i may or may not be watching the land before time
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He shit in the fireplace
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
