sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
