How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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