erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
