Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
