So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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