just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
