so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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