Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
