We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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