why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
