she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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