Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
