I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
