theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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