just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
